Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"the feelings"

Lately I've been pretty emotional.  I like to think I'm pretty even keeled most of the time but lately I am every emotion under the sun and sometimes all at once. One moment I may have that fighter spirit and am ready to face the world, pancreatitis and all. Next I might feel angry cuz, it's out of our control. The next moment I may be sobbing cuz it just so frustrating that we are at this point right now. And I'm not gonna lie, I am freaking scared. There, I said it.
 i. am. scared.
 But that's normal right?  Sure, I feel a supernatural sense of peace and know that this is the right thing, but there are nights I wake up screaming and it scares me to feel that way.  If I feel that way, I wonder how Isaac is feeling?
 It's just that other than God, he is my everything...
I KNOW that everything will be alright but I'm not going to document this and put on a fake happy face. I will be happy when I am happy and choose joy anyways when I don't feel happy.  But this little corner of the internet, this is my little world. I feel if you are a dear reader, than you want to see the real me.
This is real. 
Best of all is that mostly I feel strong.  I feel like a conquerer.  I want to look this disease in the face that tries (yes, I said tries) to steal my joy and my families lives and I want to crush it. We will do just that! I feel so supported by my friends and our family and know that with you all and God by our side that we will beat this!  I look forward to the day when we refer to this in the past tense. I look forward to helping others suffering with this same thing.  I look to bring hope to those who have given up and joy to those who are searching so hard for answers.

I choose to dance in the rain. I choose to cherish every moment in between the hard ones. I choose to relish every touch, every kiss and every word between us. I choose to let this make me a stronger woman - the woman I was called to be for such a time as this...

I love you all!