"the feelings"

Lately I've been pretty emotional.  I like to think I'm pretty even keeled most of the time but lately I am every emotion under the sun and sometimes all at once. One moment I may have that fighter spirit and am ready to face the world, pancreatitis and all. Next I might feel angry cuz, it's out of our control. The next moment I may be sobbing cuz it just so frustrating that we are at this point right now. And I'm not gonna lie, I am freaking scared. There, I said it.

 i. am. scared.

 But that's normal right?  Sure, I feel a supernatural sense of peace and know that this is the right thing, but there are nights I wake up screaming and it scares me to feel that way.  If I feel that way, I wonder how Isaac is feeling?

 It's just that other than God, he is my everything...

I KNOW that everything will be alright but I'm not going to document this and put on a fake happy face. I will be happy when I am happy and choose joy anyways when I don't feel happy.  But this little corner of the internet, this is my little world. I feel if you are a dear reader, than you want to see the real me.

This is real. 

Best of all is that mostly I feel strong.  I feel like a conquerer.  I want to look this disease in the face that tries (yes, I said tries) to steal my joy and my families lives and I want to crush it. We will do just that! I feel so supported by my friends and our family and know that with you all and God by our side that we will beat this!  I look forward to the day when we refer to this in the past tense. I look forward to helping others suffering with this same thing.  I look to bring hope to those who have given up and joy to those who are searching so hard for answers.

I choose to dance in the rain. I choose to cherish every moment in between the hard ones. I choose to relish every touch, every kiss and every word between us. I choose to let this make me a stronger woman - the woman I was called to be for such a time as this...

I love you all!

Jillian

random tuesday pics

I'm feeling a bit Hawaiian today. It's all about the hair flower.

or maybe a bit OOOmpa LOOOmpa - is more like it.

Silly photo effects.

 This one is for my friend Kimberly who gets a kick out of people who take bathroom pics of themselves. Yeah babeeey!

Random Weekend Photos

Little Man Pup

Celebratory Cupcakes for my husbands sucess at work.

I've decided to name them SINFUL.

  It's a sin to eat more than one and it takes all your will power to not give in.

Somebody even said this was the best cupcake they'd EVER eaten. 

(this is not good to tell me as I start having visions of cupcakes and cupcake shops dance in my head)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE CHILI PEPPER!

this week in cupcakes - Xander's Birthday

Tomorrow is my little Xman\'s 6th birthday. He asked me to surprise him with a special cupcake. I decided to do a fresh spin on an old childhood favorite of mine, worms in dirt. They are even filled with chocolate pudding inside. Mmmm!

Dear Isaac,

Update

We found out a tentative time frame for surgery - end of May. This will be firmed up when we are in MN.  The surgeon told our transplant consultant that just reviewing Isaac's medical records and previous CT's that he has enough evidence to know this surgery should have been done years ago.  Sounds like this evaluation will be pretty straight to the point. I feel a steady sense of confidence and courage rising up.  I'm staying away from anything negative at this point and focusing on the sucess of what has been done before us and the fact that if my God is for us than who and what can stand against.

Nothing!

 I know that Isaac is strong and I know he is ready to fight this.  We will fight this together and we will win!  This song very much speaks what's on my heart right now.

I'm not gonna worry, I know that you've got us, right inside the palm of Your hand.

You steady my heart...

XOXO

Jillian

ray of sunshine - challenge

There is such a constant pull of negativity in life these day. It's everywhere! I don't like it! I don't want to be part of it. I have been guilty of complaining and pointing out the negative lately. I'm done! I have always been a glass half full kind of girl but when the Negative Nancy kind of stuff starts it spreads like an ugly virus and it pulls everyone down around you. No more Negative Nancys! A friend and I were recently chatting it up about this and we decided to find the good in everything and everyone - even when sometimes its hard to find. I want to be a ray of sunshine and I want to spread joy and hope.

Challenge- Next time someone comes to you to complain about something or someone, find one thing to point out positive and refrain from jumping on the waaaaaaah train. You'll feel so much better when you do!

 

XOXO

Jillian

Well hello courage

random wish list

Juicy Bath Robe 

-because it's like being wrapped in cotton candy-

Bath Tray 

-for water blogging-

Happy Green Striped Casual Top

-reminds me of being casually Irish-

Running Shoes

-I'm pretty sure I could run faster in these babies...

I always have a wish list, do you?

XOXO,

JILLIAN

lucky in love

I know I say this all the time but I am just so blessed by all of you.  My family and friends whether near or far are so very, very dear to my heart.  Whether we've known each other all our lives or we have just recently made connection - you are wonderful! You keep me smiling, give me strength and laugh with me daily.  I supa love you all!

How did I get so darn lucky?

(weheartit)

XOXO

Jillian

tasia got her hair did

Tasia was ready for a new hair cut but taking the shears to her waist long locks was out of the question for her and for me so we gave her so bangs... She looks SO grown up!

happy meal #1

Here's the first extra special meal I made for Isaac pre-surgery. This will be a weekly event for the next weeks and months ahead.

- Fried Goat Cheese and Strawberry Salad with Orange Vinaigrette and Avocado

- Soft Tacos With Chicken and Tomato, Cilantro and Jalepeno Corn Salsa

- Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes